"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

Well...what does that mean you may be asking. Well some translate it as

"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

These words uttered by the Christ ring so true in my life. The problem is that he has not forsaken me but rather the inverse. I abandon God however what differentiates those statements is that he doesn't need me or rely on me. The other problem is that I do not rely on Him either. In Psalm 22 David asks the same question. I feel like God has forsaken me because I have distanced myself from him. His Glory, Majesty, Power and Might are so far away from me because I am so secluded in my secular driven world. I choose to waste money, time, and energy on things that are unimportant and worldly yet I know this and continue to do so. With every penny spent, every second wasted, and every bead of sweat rolling down my face I draw further away from Christ. I want to draw nearer to him, and the Word says in the often quoted passage of Romans chapter 8

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

While this passage is so encouraging I still find myself unable to move down the path that He has laid out for me. I guess this is why my two favorite songs right now are Wedding Dress by Derek Webb and Everything by Lifehouse. First Wedding Dress by Derek Webb.

"So could you love this bastard child?
Though I don’t trust you to provide"

This is Everything by Lifehouse.

"How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?"

Those words cut straight through to my heart and pierce it like an arrow. Another song that I can't stop listening to is Prodigal by One Republic. Actually I can't stop listening to the whole album however more specifically Prodigal.

Run away, run away
Like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me
Don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed
But I need you so
And you wait for me
And you wait for me

Well...thats all I got for now. Just actually examining my heart like my blog title states. Hope you can gain from it somehow. Til next time.