Is it manly to cry?

What is it that causes a person to cry?? This is a serious question. Why do women tend to cry more than those of the male persuasion? Is this a biological difference or something that happened a long time ago which has since branded male tears a disgrace? Is it a social issue or rather a chemical difference in the human body? Well I do not know the answer to really any of those questions and although I would like to figure it out, that is a topic more appropriate for a formal paper that I can get credit for than a blog.
I am not only referring to tears pouring from the eyes but rather the feelings that accompany them; whether it be sadness, anger, joy, fear or any other emotion that may cause one to shed a tear. Emotions are so very interesting, and now in this culture they have many options to try and change how a person feels using chemicals and drugs. Is there anything left anymore for true unhindered expression or is everyone holding back there true reactions and there true feelings from each other for fear of humiliation or maybe just fear of confrontation. There is one line in the movie Garden State that I love, and I have never figured out why but this is the edited version. "I have felt so numb to everything I have experienced in my life.......what I want more then anything in the world, is for it to be OK with you for me to feel something again, even if it's pain." This I do believe happens to us whether we are on medication or not but we do become numb to so many things in this world including God and this is not the way it should be.
Are our emotions within our control? I think that we try to control them but our real feelings always manage to poke through. Although not everyone notices but the people closest to us can always tell, and can always see how we are really feeling so with this in mind why do we try and mask our emotions. When did it become unacceptable to really feel something and really experience it the way God designed. I will admit that I have a really hard time crying, even when I really want to or I am truly sad but often times i find myself dry as Fresno in July. I am saying that I want to be free of these traps of how I am supposed to feel. Nobody tells me how to feel or what I am feeling, not even myself, I want my emotions to truly reflect how I am feeling and the condition of my heart. What would it look like if we all walked around with our hearts showing, just like God sees each of us? It would be a scary, ugly world. I want to cry when I want to, and I want to laugh when something is funny, not pretend to laugh because it is polite and not just laugh a little but have true joy with real laughter. To answer my first question, there is nothing wrong with it as long as it comes from the heart, it can't be forced and it can't be trivial or a common thing but true and from the HEART. This is when it is ok for a man or woman to cry, otherwise we are all fooling ourselves.

Where Has The Time Gone?

Well.....before my camera broke from droping it in the sand at the beach, I got a lot of pictures of the different things we have done in preparation for orientaion week and during orientation week.

I keep thinking to myself "Where has the time gone" because it seems that just last week I was helping out at step aheads and working in the bookstore and now three weeks later I am immersed in the middle of orientation week and only three days until the start of school. So I ask again, where has the time gone? It did not go to reading any books, I am still where I was one month ago in my book. It did not go to TV seeing that my apartment is without one. It did not go to spending time with my roommates or friends because everytime I see someone our conversation eventually comes to the point in which one of us says "yeah, haven't seen you in awhile."

So I ask again Where has the time gone? Did it go to spending time with Hillary? I can tell you that maybe a little here and there has been spent with Hillary but not enough time because I am constantly wanting to be with her and see her. Did it go to spending time with God? Some of it but again not enough because often times at the end of the day I lay in bed thinking about how I missed out on time with God that day and missed opportunities to let light shine through me. Did it go towards sleep? Well I can say that some of it did because that is required but not near enough. I know this because when I wake up and am still extremely exhausted and realize that I only received 5-6 hours of sleep that is not enough.

So I ask one more time Where has the time gone? Well this is the answer.

Chaos=Calm

Well.....It has been way too long since my last post and I have really wanted to sit down and do it many times and have actually sat down to do it but have been interrupted by different things. FOr example on Sunday I went to the Caf for brunch and while I was eating I got my lovely computer out and started to type and then it started raining so I obviously had to protect my computer so I put it away. But enough excuses, this is quite possibly the busiest time of the year for me and on the eve of possibly the busiest day of the year I still find the time to sit back relax and write to all of my faithful readers. This time is so incredibly busy that I barely have time to eat (well I obviously have time to eat but I do find myself sometimes getting to the end of the day and realizing I either skipped lunch or skipped dinner simply because I was moving at a rapid pace.) Tommorrow starts the beginning of New Student Orientation at CBU. It is a really exciting time here and the campus just comes to life. Students are moving in, saying goodbye to their parents, and then it gets crazy with the retreat and everything else that we have planned for this next wek leading up to the beginning of school. But during these long work days and very long work nights, I have come to realize that amidst all of this hustle and bustle and business and anxiousness, I find myself unusually calm. I know some of you are laughing now because you have seen me the last week and (thanks to my Jolt Gum) I do not appear calm. But I am not referring to physically being calm but rather spiritually and mentally calm or maybe just at peace. My mind is continually racing about things I need to get done and how to please everyone sometimes excluding myself, but during this I find that I cannot help but just exhale and see God's grace, mercy, LOVE, KINDNESS, and all sorts of other adjectives. Every morning I have been going to Wanda's and enjoying an Iced Latte while I read out of the Bible and this starts my day off better than any other way I could think of and it is not because of the Latte but rather the peace that I find in Him and the joy that I am able to find in all that I do. This verse is one of my favorite verses in the Bible because I am constantly needing reminding of it. "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10. So if you see me tommorrow or the next day or the next week, please kindly remind me of this verse and of God's complete control over our lives and his perfect plan for our lives. Thanks for listening and I will try and be back sooner than last time.

In the Fam!

Well.....I know what everyone is thinking, It's about time. Yes I know it has been way too long since my last post. I have wanted to tell everyone about everything and there is so much to tell but have just been lazy in my blogging. First and foremost I am now a part of the loving and ever growing Steve Jobs/Mac family. I recently purchased a beautiful white Macbook. It is my new love, my fling in the summer, my wild and crazy impulse buy. Well.. it wasn't really an impulse buy because I had been contemplating the purchase for a very long time. And now I can say that a little tiny void that was in my computing life has been fulfilled, oh what a great day.

In other news, my younger brother started his football career last week. Yep! He is following in his older brothers footsteps, and he will begin his hard hitting experience with his first game action later next week. It is very exciting for me to see him learn something new and develop what I hope is a love for the game. Well I will be back shortly with another post about a few upcoming releases that I am very excited about as well as praise for the Greatest Trilogy Ever Made! Until next time this is my life......My Confessions.